Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize