I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
