I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
