I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
