forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i came on her dog
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
