So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
