Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
