btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize