just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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