Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
