my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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