I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
