I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
