I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize