How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
