dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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