Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
