Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
