I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize