Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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