I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
