You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
