North Korea, Best Korea!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
