You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
