This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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