How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
