please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
