Acid is not a monday night drug
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
