worst night to have a conscience
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
