I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
