Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
