You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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