Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
