Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize