Sponge bath it is.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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