She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
