hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
