I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
