Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
