The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh god it's open bar.
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