I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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