Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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