Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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