so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
