Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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