just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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