The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
