you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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