I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
