I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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