what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
