How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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