worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
