Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
