he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
