so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
