I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize