i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
