The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
