the condom got lost in my hair
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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