I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
