I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
