24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
