I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize