Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
