When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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