Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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