PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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