Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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