Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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